What are your favorite self-love practices (rituals) that can be easily adopted?
I have quite a few self-love rituals in my daily routine. Some are seasonal, depending on the needs of the moment and professional curiosity (sometimes I decide to practically try out a self-development method), others are more stable (e.g., I take my diaries with me even when I sleep in a tent). One of my favorite rituals right now is my morning self-talk. When the alarm goes off, I don't jump out of bed inertly; instead, I mindfully scan my body, focus on my breath, stretch, greet myself, and then the sun and the new day. After sensing my body and the environment around me, I ask myself what would bring me joy today, what is worth starting the day for? Every day a different thing emerges, but it's important to wait patiently and not rush out of bed until I realize what inspires me. Once I find the answer, I savor it and then I get up - not because it's morning and I have to get up, but because I want to get up, because something really important and enjoyable awaits me. I recommend trying it; it's completely different from automatically getting up. Moreover, information reaching the brain in the first 5 minutes after waking up is recorded in deeper brain layers, so this time is extremely productive for creating a gentle, caring, warm relationship with yourself.
Quite recently, I started practicing this ritual before going to sleep - I imagine that I am lying not in bed, but directly on Mother Earth, I feel how the Earth protects me, supports me, how firm it is, that I can lean on it, trust it. During this practice, at least for me, childlike feelings awaken, I feel as if I am lying on my mother's chest, that everything is taken care of. I have noticed that after such a connection with the Earth, I fall asleep much faster and feel a deep sense of security and calm. In general, a conscious relationship with the Earth is a very great source of strength, not only physical but also psychological health. Especially for us, women, it is necessary and important.
Last summer, I discovered aromatherapy (a true marvel), and sometimes I intuitively create a scent for the day that captivates me. Today's scent is mint and ylang-ylang – for a sweetly refreshing day.
Living with the intention of being in a loving relationship with ourselves, we can create rituals for ourselves in everything – morning showers can turn into a journey of mantras, scents, and bodily sensations; combing our hair in front of the mirror can be a time to look ourselves in the eye and say something supportive. Regularity is important so that the needs and inertia of the world don't swallow us up, and we can savor and absorb the minutes of life given to us.
Why, in your opinion, is female community – sisterhood – important? How is being with women different, and why is it necessary?
I have been researching the impact of female community on our psychological health for 8 years now. My second book, "Blessed Women," was born as a tribute to it. When it comes to femininity, we, women, learn it only from other women. We live our daily lives with men, and in the modern world, despite all the changes happening in the field of equality, the dominant values are quite masculine – will, progress, results, speed, competition (these are traits attributed to the masculine principle). We all have a hunger for femininity within us, which manifests itself in the fact that no matter how hard we try, accumulate achievements, accomplish a lot in the external world, we don't feel fulfilled or satisfied internally; we always feel something is missing, it's still not enough (this is probably familiar to all of us). We don't feel satisfied because our feminine principle is starving, and we can nourish it by being in sincere community with other women.
A few weeks ago, I had such an experience for the first time in a long while, when I attended a women's circle not as a leader, but as a participant. My goodness, I had forgotten how deeply fulfilling open and emotional conversations among women are, explorations of feminine topics like menstruation or self-love, and discussions about mothers and grandmothers (because it is from them that we first learned femininity). I remember how one client, after starting to attend the circles I lead, shared how she enters a completely different dimension among women, where the sense of time and all social roles disappear, where she can simply be herself, a woman among women. And indeed, it is enough to be in a women's circle to realize that it is different here – yet so longed for, so intimate, familiar, and delicious like mother's milk. (By the way, in a women's circle, our need for connection with our mother is satisfied at a deeper level – here we are listened to, we are encouraged by the experiences of other women, we support each other, we empathize and receive empathy.) This fills us deeply from within; after returning from a women's circle, we often bring back a feeling of fulfillment, sufficiency, and "everything is fine with me." Then it is easier to cultivate such a relationship with ourselves in everyday life, and when we run out of inspiration or feminine energy – we return to the women's circle.
What was your path like in seeking a relationship with yourself, in accepting yourself? Why is it important for every woman to go through it?
My own journey to self began shaken by the profound spiritual depth I experienced when my daughter was born. I realized how poorly I understood myself, and what rich flavors life had to offer. Along with my daughter, a need to know myself and my body better was born; I discovered dance movement therapy, which helped me take the first steps in self-awareness – it has led me over the years to where I am today.
Each of us is first and foremost the person with whom we are given to live our entire lives, but we live unaware of this obvious fact. In our culture, we are raised to please others first, so that they are comfortable living with us. I communicate with many women who, as adults, do not know what they want, do not understand what they feel, and their relationship with themselves is strict and shaped by the needs of other people - I am good as long as others like me, and all my other aspects, including my inner compass, talents, temperament - are pushed deep inside and unknown. They are waiting for us to turn to ourselves and accept all our aspects, not just those that are acceptable to others. That is why I like to repeat that important tasks that only self-love can accomplish cannot be assigned to anyone else. Without realizing this, we begin to demand from others what only we can give ourselves - attention, love, time, respect. Until I turned to myself, I always hoped that others would praise me, see how great I am, confirm that I am loved. And this had taken on the form of an obsession - I didn't know how to be alone, I constantly chased social validation, fashion trends. The still ongoing journey to myself has given me the opportunity to get to know broader, deeper, more diverse aspects of my personality, to express them and thus live a much more fulfilling life than the prevailing stereotypes of women in society can offer.
On the journey to self, we learn to love ourselves, to affirm, praise, and support ourselves; deeper layers of our personality are revealed, and creative abilities are revitalized. This liberates us from excessive reliance on others, on prevailing societal patterns of femininity, and grants internal independence and the freedom to respect what suits and pleases me, even if it doesn't suit or please anyone else.
